My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
