in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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