:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
