There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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