I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
