Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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