Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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