; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
