MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
