Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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