I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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