I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
