I accidentally burped into my bong.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
