so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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