He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
