whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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