Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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