At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
