someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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