my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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