I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
