I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
