I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
