well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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