i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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