I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
