You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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