I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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