only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
