A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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