Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
