he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
