Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
