btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
