His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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