I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
