Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he thought i was a dude.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
