So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
