some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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