NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
