I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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