Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
