I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
