I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
