The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
