I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i have herpe
just one?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
