Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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