Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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