i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
