6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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