I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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