A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
