there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
