i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have aggressive nipples.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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