I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
